Wandering Window

April has been the proverbial cruelest month, in new ways dreamt up by COVID, and in Eliot’s most literal way: “stirring dull roots with spring rain.”

Damn, it’s rained a lot, and it continues to rain.

“Good for the farmers,” my mother used to say. Her father had farmed. She wasn’t a great gardener herself, but she liked to look at the world beyond her window. Six kids kept her from traveling much in my youth, but later in life she took to the road, west to the Bad Lands, east to visit me. Years earlier, when I lived in London, she came to visit me, and we went to Ireland together. The trip of a lifetime. She was half Irish. First born, her Irish mother gave her the middle name Carol for the O’Carroll clan from which her family is said to have sprung.

The trip was “of-a-lifetime” for me too, partly because for the first time, I got to see the place which created many of my favorite writers, and which they, in turn, created on the page. More than that, this is the only time I traveled with my mother in any real sense. I got a glimpse of her in the wider world. The last of the six, it was here I first saw her as a person beyond my narcissistic understanding of her as my mother.

Joan Carol Schumacher was a woman in the world. A woman of the world. In her own right.

We’ve yet to see: “What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow out of this stony rubbish?”

But here are a few buds.

–KLB

Joan Carol Schumacher

Texas Window in Boston

I blame the quarantine for my broken heart. The first two weeks were not so bad. I wrote music, poems, and finally had the chance to be creative. Then the third week hit and classes came back. Slinking out from under my bed came depression

And his sidekick panic attacks. Deep sleep became a memory. I allowed my adamantine heart to bear the weight but not break.

A call from a friend brought a knocked my stone heart and a crack appeared. I cried with another human being for the first time in years and I didn’t want anyone to put me together again. The crack widened as my distance from friends and family was realized more each day. Each call from mom where the laughter of my sister and brothers was carried on the wind widened the crack as it pierced deeper and deeper into the rock. Each zoom hangout, though comforting, served to remind me that it’s been weeks since I’ve felt any human contact.

Yesterday I lost my job. I wondered how I would pay rent (my family came and saved the day) and my heart hit its limit. I cried all day today. At the madness of it all.

But then my heart revealed the geode within. I cried and laughed that the birds were back as I walked to the store. The trees are in bloom, The sky bright blue and the frigid crisp air all reminding me that I was still drinking in life. The crystal center of my heart, now brought to light, refracted a living rainbow of this moment – terror and joy and sorrow all together. And I know when the world returns, that will stay. I blame the quarantine for that too.

–Gregory Petershack, From San Antonio Texas originally
Studying for and MA in literary theory and pedagogy at Boston College