I totally blame this quarantine for messing up my life. I mean seriously, all the healthy people crammed into one place while the hordes of sick people are outside shielded by just a wall of concrete? Yeah, if only I could roll my eyes at the genius at the guy who came up with that idea. Such a great idea, except they forgot about the people who got bitten already.
Now all my friends are totally zombies. I guess it’s a good thing my daddy is in the military, because not only did I have a super cute rifle that I decorated myself, but the military guys took me in, and some of the guys are totally hot.
I just like, don’t get why they got so mad I flaked on training to give some of my fellow cadet girls makeovers. Like, it’s not my fault the clothes they give us are hideous! What was I supposed to do? Not cut up my uniform to actually look cute? As if!
That Colonel Whatever is totally unhinged if he thinks I’m gonna quit finding stuff to accessorize my boring bed with. Who wouldn’t use their boot laces and bullets to make some decorations? It’s like my fairy lights at home, except without the light up part.
I think the worst thing has got to be the signal here! I get some of the cell towers or whatever might be down, but like, I can’t even access Insta! How will everyone know I’m totally kicking butt while looking cute in the army now? Plus it’s totally lame I can’t text the couple of friends that didn’t get slobbered on by those wanna-be zombies.
Oh, and if anyone asks, I totally don’t have my phone. If Colonel Whats-His-Face found out he’d blow up majorly.
Ugh, I’m so over this whole zombie outbreak.
–Caroline Connole Sutherland, Rhode Island College Writing 100, Professor Hardmon’s Class